Even small manners can make a big difference in how others perceive you, especially in the workplace.
The way you hold your arms. Do you speak fast or slow? The expression you make. All of these can affect the impression you make on others, says Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioral researcher and best-selling author who teaches a program on effective organizational communication at Harvard University.
“Trust can be built and broken incredibly quickly,” Van Edwards told CNBC Make It.
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The more trust you build with your colleagues and boss, the more influence you will have at work. Part of it has to do with behavior. If you collaborate effectively with your co-workers and always finish your work on time, you’ll start to develop a reputation for it.
Some successful people begin the process of building trust with their body language, said Van Edwards, who also teaches Masterclass’s People Intelligence course. Specifically, she says she uses three subtle physical changes to exude confidence and competence:
1. “Visible hands and eye contact”
Imagine this. You approach your colleague to make some small talk. While you’re talking, they fold their arms and look around the room, not at you. They might just be a little nervous, but they probably aren’t interested in what you have to say.
“Hiding your hands or avoiding eye contact, which can happen accidentally when checking your phone, can instantly erode trust,” says Van Edwards.
If you want to “show tolerance and engagement” to others, practice “visible hands and eye contact,” she says. “Try to make eye contact when you approach or during the first few seconds of the conversation and at the end of the conversation.”
Michael Chad Hepner, a Columbia Business School professor and communications expert, told CNBC Make It in June that there’s no need to look someone in the eye for minutes at a time. Instead of staring constantly, she recommended making eye contact meaningful, such as by staring and listening when someone is sharing important or confidential information.
2. “Purposeful and calm movements”
According to Van Edwards, when people feel anxious or unsure of themselves, they often speak and move faster than usual. A 2012 psychological study conducted by researchers at Ryerson University found that this behavior, which is a sign of nervousness, tends to be negatively evaluated by others.
“Slow your movements. Nervous energy often makes us fidgety and impatient, but purposeful, calm movements exude control,” advises Van Edwards. “You can also slow down the pace of your voice and add more pauses. When you pause, you can often take more breaths, which makes you feel and sound calmer.”
Adopting good posture by “maximizing the distance between your ears and shoulders” also helps project confidence, Van Edwards adds. And the more you can “convey both confidence and competence,” the more likely others will respect you and look to you for leadership, executive coach Melody Wilding wrote on Aug. 14.
3. Be “friendly and authoritative”
You may feel that you need to have a strict business attitude to gain influence and respect at work. Or maybe you want to be liked at work, so you joke around with co-workers and downplay your more serious side. But trust is built by balancing “warmth and competence,” Van Edwards says.
“Be approachable, yet authoritative. Don’t feel like you have to sacrifice respect to be liked. High performers know you can have both, and apply this to your relationships with others,” she says. “Show warmth by remembering the personal details of colleagues and customers, and be genuinely happy when people share good news.”
For example, if you know your boss loves the New York Yankees, you might ask about the team’s big win at the start of your next head-to-head game. Remembering someone’s career goals and communication preferences can also be helpful, showing that you are an active listener and interested enough to consider them.
“Small, consistent actions can make a big difference,” Van Edwards says.
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