We’ve all worked with that person. Someone who claims to be right, dominates the meeting, and silences everyone else. You may win the argument temporarily, but in the long run you will lose something more important: respect.
As a leadership educator and behavioral researcher who has worked and advised Fortune 500 companies for the past 10 years, I have seen firsthand that people can’t remember who was “right.” They remember how you made them feel.
Psychologists call this trait emotional presence. It’s the emotional imprint you leave on others. Some people naturally appear calm and competent to those around them, while others unintentionally cause tension and anxiety. This doesn’t mean you have to always agree or avoid disagreements altogether. It’s about learning how to express disagreement without compromising trust or collaboration.
Whether you’re challenging a co-worker’s ideas or offering a different perspective to your boss, how you frame your response can determine whether you come across as combative or confident. Here are three ways to resolve disagreements in the workplace without seeming snarky.
1. Act with curiosity
When tensions rise, most people try to defend their points. This is a natural reflex, but it cuts off collaboration. Curiosity is the opposite. It signals psychological safety, encourages ideas to surface, and lowers the emotional temperature of the room.
Research on curiosity in negotiation shows that participants who approach discussions with questions rather than demands achieve better outcomes and maintain relationships. So instead of saying “that doesn’t work” try the following:
“80% sold. Can you help me with the remaining 20%?” “That’s an interesting idea. Can you explain how you think about (X)?” “I like this direction. What would happen if we adjusted (Y)?”
This language shows that you are open and engaged, increasing trust and making collaboration much more likely.
2. Think like an improviser and replace “but” with “yes, and…”
Be careful about the language you use to help your colleagues feel comfortable participating in the conversation.
The classic improv comedy principle, “Yes, and…” is intended to keep a scene moving forward rather than ending it. The same principle applies to workplace communication. If you answer “but,” you are denying everything that came before it. When you use “and,” you are acknowledging what was said and building on it.
Compare the following two sentences.
“I understand the benefits, but I’m worried about the cost.” “I think there are benefits, but I’m concerned about the cost.”
The first sentence states, “I disagree with you.” The second message said, “I’m with you and I want this to be better.”
Research shows that a communication style that feels additive rather than adversarial significantly improves a team’s psychological safety and overall performance.
3. Offer to experiment
When people hear a clear “no,” they stop listening. Their defenses will increase and coordination will be cut off.
Instead of rejecting ideas outright or sharing what someone else should do, shift to things you can explore together: microtesting the waters. You can say:
“What can we test next week?” “What if we try it on one client first?”
It’s a small change in language, but a big change in thinking. The word “should” provokes judgment and defensiveness. “Can do” brings curiosity and collaboration. A series of studies by researchers at Harvard University found that replacing certainty with curiosity leads people to come up with more creative solutions.
This approach also transforms you from a blocker to a co-creator. It shows you are open to possibilities and focused on the evidence. And when people feel like you’re iterating on their ideas rather than destroying them, they become more invested.
Shadé Zahrai is an award-winning, top-performing educator, behavioral researcher, and leadership strategist for Fortune 500 companies. She is the author of Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, and Fuel Success. She completed her PhD at Monash University. Follow her on LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.
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