Many people think that with enough determination, if they push themselves really hard, they can develop better habits.
According to James Clear, author of the New York Times bestselling book Atomic Habits, these people are missing a key piece of the self-control puzzle. Even if you’re disciplined, you’ll need to put yourself in an environment where you can maintain that state without distractions or temptations to break out of your ongoing habits, Clear said on “The Mel Robbins Podcast” on Jan. 8.
“When you look at people who exhibit high levels of self-control, the common pattern among them is not that they have more discipline than the average person,” he says. “A common pattern is to be in a situation where there is less temptation.”
For example, if you’re avoiding alcohol during your first Dry January, you might not want to go to happy hour with friends because you might be swayed by outside pressure or fear of missing out. The goal is not to resist temptation, but to move away from it.
“You don’t have to try to be more disciplined, you don’t have to wish you were more determined,” Kuria says. “We need to take some time to design an environment where we are not tempted as often. It could be something as simple as not having potato chips in the house or not having cigarettes in the house.”
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Your environment may include the people you surround yourself with. Several studies have shown that being around like-minded people can help you stay focused. If you or a friend regularly find yourself in a situation where you can’t develop the habits you want, Clear suggests talking openly about your goals or finding other ways to spend time with your friends.
“And that’s not necessarily saying I’ll never see these people again, but maybe I’ll only see them in my pocket or in certain situations,” Clear said. “And I want to put myself out there more and spend more time with other people.”
If you fail in your pursuit of better habits, you may be inclined to tell yourself that you should stop trying altogether. Instead, change your self-talk to be more optimistic, advised Clear. For example, tell yourself that your efforts today will pay off in the future, or that you can stay the course even if you fail.
A positive attitude can also help you better manage stress associated with lifestyle and habit changes, according to a 2023 Mayo Clinic report. “Bad attitudes and self-pity make any problem harder,” says Clear. “So you’re just adding another challenge to an already difficult situation. It’s not helpful.”
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