When children come to us with boredom, we often feel an urge to meet them with feelings of irritation, frustration, and guilt.
“You have so many toys! Why are you bored?” “Are you bored? Here’s a list of chores.” “When I was a child, I used to play for hours without complaining.”
As a parenting expert who has worked with busy families on independent play for a decade, I see the same patterns over and over again. Parents can either provide a list of activities or ask children to find them on their own. Neither works. The first creates dependence. The second one feels rejected.
The truth is, we can’t entertain our kids all the time, and we shouldn’t. Overinvolvement leads to parental burnout and deprives children of important developmental skills.
The next time your child says “I’m bored,” try these five phrases to encourage more independent play.
1. “I have a few minutes. Could you please tell me more about (X)?”
When your child says, “I’m bored,” the first thing to ask yourself is, “I’m bored.” “Am I truly connecting with my child today?”
It doesn’t matter if it’s “I made you lunch” or “I made you brush your teeth.” Genuine eye contact allows you to connect, even for two minutes, without distractions. Something like, “Tell me more about the show you watched this morning. It made me laugh so much!”
Many children are used to being told what to do and how to do it, and feel lost when no one tells them. Sometimes “I’m bored” just means “I need you” or “I don’t know what to do without guidance.”
A quick connection reset will ensure your emotional cup is fully filled and you’ll feel more comfortable and confident playing alone.
2. “I’m wondering if your body needs something first.”
Are you missing something as basic as eating, resting, exercising, or regulating your emotions? Sometimes, when you say, “I’m bored,” your body is saying, “Help, I’m going to take a break.”
When was the last time they ate? Did they sit still for two hours? Did they wake up at 5am and refuse to take a nap? In some cases, “boredom” can actually mean “my blood sugar has dropped,” “I’m stuck at home,” or “I’m tired and don’t know how to relax.”
Before you invite them to play, ask them, “I think your body needs something first. It’s almost lunch time. Are you hungry?” Or, “I’ve been inside the house all morning. Would it feel good to run around the backyard for five minutes?”
Once those needs are resolved, you can hand the reins back to them.
3. “You don’t really want me to tell you what to do, do you?” You can, but it’ll probably be housework or some other boring task. ”
This phrase flips the script. Now they are the ones refusing your help, not being rejected.
It’s playful, takes the heat off, and assumes you already know what they want – they just don’t understand it yet.
4. “Think about this: Do you feel like repeating an idea you already know, or do you want to try something new?” Once you decide, the rest is easy to understand. ”
This works because instead of solving a problem for them, you’re providing them with a framework and inviting them to collaborate.
You are asking them to check themselves. What are they actually in the mood for right now? And it’s okay to either repeat an idea they already know or say they want to try something new. You’re just teaching them how to identify what they want.
Over time, their problem-solving skills improve. They will learn to say: “I’m bored. All right, do what you already know, or try something new. Maybe rebuild last week’s fort, but this time I’ll add a tunnel.”
5. “This is difficult. I don’t know what to do next. Okay, it might take me a while to figure it out.”
Once you’ve made sure your connection and basic needs are met, admit that it’s uncomfortable to sit around being bored.
You can add, “If you want to check in, I’ll be here (folding laundry or preparing dinner).” With this approach, they don’t keep their feelings alone and give you space to work through them…but you’re together as a stable presence.
What you’re really teaching them is how to create purpose from the inside out, not from toys or screens or themselves. Your child may need to ask several times, “Is this OK?” “Can I use this?”
Children need to learn that boredom is not a crisis and that they can use that feeling to inform what they can do next.
Lizzie Asa (MsED) is the founder of the popular Substack and Instagram, The Workspace for Children, and author of “But I’m Bored.”
Want to improve your communication, confidence, and success at work? Take CNBC’s new online course, Mastering Body Language for Influence. Sign up now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD to receive a 20% off introductory discount. Offer valid from February 9th to February 23rd, 2026. Terms and conditions apply.
