A recent Harris Poll survey of 2,177 American adults found that money is a top priority for daters these days when it comes to finding love.
74% say financial security has become one of the most attractive characteristics in a date. And some of their biggest red flags include people who want to consolidate their finances quickly (67%), people who have a lot of credit card debt (63%), and people who send a Venmo or Zelle request right after a date (57%).
This focus on money is not surprising, says Jacqueline Combs, a family law and divorce attorney at Blank Rome.
“Who you marry is the biggest financial decision of your life,” she says. And financial disputes are one of the biggest reasons for divorce.
If you’re going on a first date, there are questions you can ask beforehand to get an idea of your date’s spending philosophy. Here are the questions Combs recommends:
These questions “provide insight into who you’re dating.”
No matter what question comes up in a conversation, you can frame the question as a hypothesis or ask about the past or the future. Combs recommends trying one of the following:
If you won the lottery today, how would you spend your money? What values do you have regarding your child’s education expenses? Do you believe in paying for college or private school? During your college years or just entering the workforce? , how have you handled your expenses? What financial surprises have you ever had to deal with? What are the big expenses that you are saving for? Do you drink coffee at home or do you go out and drink coffee every day?
These types of questions “provide insight into the person you’re dating and their relationship with money,” she says. These will help you find out how they approach spending and what their financial habits would be like if you built a joint life.
Not everyone is comfortable delving into the topic of money right away, but if someone is really avoiding the topic, that’s a red flag, Combs says.
“You don’t have to share your 401(k) on the first date,” she says. “But I think when you’re dating, it’s really important to have conversations about money to determine if you’re on the same page financially.”
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