When it comes to what single Americans look for in a partner, the list of characteristics they look for varies.
For example, a recent survey of 1,010 U.S. adults by marriage agency Tawkify found that 45% of people are hesitant but open to dating someone who was recently laid off.
According to the Pew Research Center, for 38% of U.S. adults, someone 10 years older is a deal breaker, and 23% say someone of a different religion is also a deal breaker.
New York-based psychologist Sabrina Romanoff says that these days, “especially on dating apps, we tend to exclude someone more than exclude them,” adding that red flags can be as simple as “her hair is too long, or she’s given a prompt that we don’t really like.”
Sometimes, she says, people look for “something impressive on paper” instead of looking for signs of traits that might maintain compatibility and happiness.
But that standard isn’t always helpful. Here’s how to make sure your standards aren’t too high or too low when looking for a mate, Romanoff says.
Ask yourself, “Who am I really measuring myself against?”
With so many people in our personal lives and so many opinions on what’s important on the internet, it’s easy to prioritize certain traits over others.
First, look at your must-have list and ask yourself, “Whose standards am I really holding myself to?” Romanoff says. “Is it your parents? Is it your friend? And is it actually yours?” Then ask yourself what the real purpose of the date is.
If you want a healthy, long-term relationship, keep these questions in mind when going out with a potential partner, says Romanoff.
Are they emotionally available? Will they be able to take responsibility? Are they curious? are they kind?
These are the kinds of traits that can lead to success, she says. On the flip side, watch out for red flags such as someone being inconsistent, blaming past partners, or making big promises on the first few dates.
After all, when dating, “it’s important to have the right criteria” to help find the best version of the relationship, Romanoff says.
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