Self-doubt can manifest in all sorts of unexpected ways, Mel Robbins, author of Let Them Theory, said on a recent episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast.
Robbins says it can manifest itself in the form of “overthinking, people-pleasing, perfectionism, procrastination, comparing, blaming, resentment, repeating conversations, staying up at night, and holding back on things you want to do.”
These feelings and habits can weigh on you. But in a conversation with Robbins, behavioral researcher Shayed Zahrai gave us his best advice on how to increase self-acceptance.
“Your life will fundamentally change because everything will feel lighter,” Zafrai said.
Here’s how:
1. Don’t apologize, be grateful.
In her work, Zahrai has noticed that people who struggle with self-acceptance often apologize. They say things like, “I’m sorry, I talked too much,” or “I’m sorry, I got really emotional.”
Comments like this only make you feel inadequate. The next time you feel the urge to apologize for taking up space, change your approach. Think about what you appreciate about the person you are with.
“Instead of saying, ‘Sorry, I talked too much,’ say, ‘Thank you for listening.’ This is a small way to make the other person feel good and to reconsider how you see yourself,” Zafrai said.
Saying “I’m sorry” too much can make others question your credibility and make you feel insecure, Zahrai previously told CNBC Make It.
2. Create a “careless” list
Zahrai also recommends creating what she calls a “careless” list.
Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left side, write down all the things you don’t want to worry about too much. For example, “I don’t want to worry so much about how I look,” or “I don’t want to worry so much about what people think of me when I’m walking.”
On the right side, write down anything you want to pay more attention to.
Return to this list periodically and note which parts receive the most attention. Understanding where your thoughts tend to go can help you avoid getting caught up in them. This knowledge is one of the best ways to break harmful patterns.
Self-acceptance means knowing that “you don’t need others to validate your worth,” Zarai said. “You are valuable just by existing.” These exercises will help you shift your mindset in that direction.
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