We all know that success requires trade-offs, but few realize how painful those trade-offs can be.
While researching my book, The Long Game: How to Be a Long-Term Thinker in a short-term world, I discovered that what truly sets top performers apart is their willingness to make difficult decisions that are optimized for the long term.
Even more difficult than doing the work is being willing to endure the discomfort that comes from emotionally difficult tasks. But by facing difficult problems and facing yourself, you can achieve lasting success.
Here are three deeply unpleasant things that the most successful professionals are willing to do.
1. Say no to good opportunities
Top professionals know they need to leave room on their calendars for big opportunities, but unfortunately, the only way to do that is to say no to some good opportunities.
My wife and I were recently invited to spend a week at a colleague’s home in Tuscany, free of charge. It would have been magical, but this visit took place just a few weeks before the release of my wife’s book. Reluctantly, we declined it. We could have said yes and tried to do it all, but we realized that would inevitably mean a restless vacation and the book launch might end up being a failure.
Ask yourself on a scale of 1 to 10.
“How excited am I about this opportunity?” “How much of a difference do you think this opportunity will make in my career?” “If I say yes to this, what should I say no to or back out of?”
Most of us are stuck at a 6 or 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 and end up clogging our calendars with so-so obligations and not being able to expand our horizons for better opportunities.
2. Practice your skills even if no one seems to care.
Encouragement from others can help you gain momentum for your skills, projects, and ideas. It’s much harder to stay accountable when you’re embarking on a new endeavor or learning a new skill and no one seems to care. If you forget for a day, a week, or even a month, you’ll start saying to yourself, “Who would notice?”
But through repetition, you can achieve your goals, whether it’s becoming a better writer, a more engaging speaker, or a prolific vibe coder. Progress may be long and frustrating, but ultimately you develop deeper expertise and a caring community.
Kara Caturzulla, the journalist and author I profiled in “The Long Game,” started a daily email newsletter and had written more than 800 editions at the time of my interview. Initially, she sent it to a few friends, but over time, her audience grew. She finally got a book deal when a book editor who had subscribed to her newsletter cold-mailed her and suggested that Carla would be perfect for writing a motivational journal.
Being willing to work in seeming obscurity while learning your craft can feel frustrating and lonely. But these combined benefits can ultimately change your life.
3. Recognize that your goals and identity have changed.
Sometimes the hardest thing is admitting that yourself and your goals have changed. It’s much easier to hold on to your past self-concept when changing your focus feels like a betrayal of your past self, who worked so hard to get to this point. But instead of working towards an outcome you no longer want, it’s important to change direction as soon as possible.
Another expert I introduced, Ali, had been working in corporate finance for 10 years and knew something wasn’t right. But it took her four years to quit her job and transition into a new career as a consultant and coach because she was afraid to let go of her identity as a successful executive.
It’s important to be sensitive to change and notice small signs, such as not wanting to go to work in the morning when you used to enjoy it, starting to gravitate towards a new field of inquiry, or feeling like the way people talk about you no longer fits.
Ali told me that we need to analyze who we are and what is happening. Because, as she says, “The stories we tell ourselves about our professional lives sometimes hold us back.”
Dorie Clark has taught executive education for over 10 years at Columbia Business School and Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business. She is a keynote speaker, former presidential campaign spokesperson, and author of the best-selling book The Long Game. You can subscribe to her e-newsletter here.
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