Many people think that charisma is an innate quality. As a behavioral researcher who has studied what attracts people for over a decade, I have found this to be not the case.
People with high charisma have more memorable conversation patterns. But anyone can use them to build stronger connections and leave people with a sense of warmth and camaraderie.
There are five phrases that the most charismatic people use over and over again. You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room. All you have to do is pay attention and listen with genuine interest and respect.
1. “I was hoping to see you.”
Most people underestimate how much other people enjoy their company. This is a warm phrase that is almost guaranteed to make people feel good about themselves and you.
When to use it: Say this when someone walks into a meeting or party. Rather than superficial flattery, we wanted to convey to them, “Please make concrete improvements to this place.”
2. “You’ll love this.”
This phrase is a great way to say, “You’re one of my guys.” It is a verbal gift that allows us to share secret joys together. If you have a recommendation, question, or idea that you think someone would appreciate, share it and get them excited.
When to use: This is pretty universal. You can use this feature right before you want to share a story that someone might be excited about, or before you talk about a restaurant or event related to their interests.
3. “What was that like for you?”
When someone mentions something that clearly brightened their mood, take it a step further and ask, “How was that for you?” or “Tell me more about that.” If possible, give supportive signals during the conversation, such as leaning in or nodding. This will help others feel interested and heard.
When to use it: This can easily be left out in the middle of a conversation when you hear something that particularly piques your interest. Use this to emphasize that your conversation partner is clearly proud or excited. Give them a chance to shine.
4. “I always end a conversation thinking something like…”
This tells someone that your relationship is valuable and that they left a lasting impression on you. In most cases, the other person may not even realize that you feel this way about them. Charismatic people actively express their positive emotions.
When to use: This is best for closer conversations. Use it at the end of a team meeting or coffee chat. If you find someone consistently funny, insightful, and caring, tell them. We all need reminders of how great we are.
5. “I would like to ask you something.”
Asking someone for knowledge instantly increases your confidence. It shows you were thinking about them when they weren’t around. It also shows that you view the person as a trusted authority.
When to use it: You can use this phrase with your colleagues or boss before working on a project. However, this is not limited to professional settings. Think about all the people around you. What advice can they give you? Then go find them.
Vanessa Van Edwards is a speaker, researcher, and author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People and Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. She is the founder of Science of People, where she teaches workshops and courses on science-based soft skills to help people communicate better. Her latest book, Conversation: How to Be Instantly Likeable in Any Interaction, will be published in October 2026.
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