“This is what you look like at 50,” Gloria Steinem said to cheers from several hundred people, mostly women, gathered at a luncheon in Phoenix 42 years ago. Her cry for us to hold space for those with hard-won wisdom resonated with me, as societal forces often work to make women less visible as they age.
For many, it was the first time they saw the woman who has symbolized American feminism for decades. Gloria Steinem’s death earlier this month at the age of 92 has filled social media feeds with an outpouring of gratitude and reminiscences of how she touched so many lives.
By the time I arrived at that luncheon, she had already unconsciously replaced mine. Many years ago, when I was a young wife and mother of three living in West Texas, I stumbled upon Miss Magazine, one of the many feminist organizations Steinem helped found.
Ms. Magazine taught me that I could build a life for myself beyond the culturally prescribed roles of wife and mother. But it also taught me that I could choose those roles if they were what I wanted.
I went on to serve as President and CEO of Planned Parenthood Federation of America and intended to start my own organization, Take The Lead, dedicated to gender equality. On that day in 1984, I was fascinated by Gloria’s joy in being herself, her enthusiastic acceptance of her age, and her unabashed expression of feminist values.
Her unapologetic joy is what I remember most about Gloria Steinem. Indeed, she broke boundaries and blazed a trail. But in the face of a never-ending battle, she approached it with fortitude and, as she described it, a “hopeful” attitude. I think that’s one of the most enduring parts of her legacy.
“When Gloria Steinem asks you to come to a meeting, you’re more likely to attend.”
Steinem was a journalist who stepped into a leadership role in an activist movement whose time had come. She was a woman who often said she hated controversy, but she rode the wave of controversy anyway, and in doing so captured its energy to move the movement forward. As she readily and regularly admits, she wasn’t alone in these accomplishments.
Thanks to the changes brought about by the feminist movement, I was able to develop my talents. I grew a small family planning company into a medium-sized company, and then grew a medium-sized company into one of the largest companies in the country. I spent the past nine years as the National President of the Family Planning Association.
During this time, I became acquainted with a woman named Gloria Steinem. Gloria was always willing to use her influence for causes she believed in and amplify the voices of others.
She was polite and never stood up for ceremonies. We often joked that with the name “Gloria” we needed to distinguish ourselves from each other, so we added a middle name. She became “Gloria Marie” and I became “Gloria Ann.” When asked to give talks, demonstrations, or fundraisers, she would coach across the country, armed with a small duffel bag and a jacket she could throw over black pants or a jacket if she needed to upgrade her outfit for an event.
I’ll never forget going door to door with her in 2004, and the priceless look on people’s faces when they saw Gloria Steinem standing on their front steps.
In 2005, shortly after I left my job at a family planning organization to write the book that became the basis for Take The Lead, she invited me to a meeting in a basement somewhere in midtown Manhattan. I can’t remember where, but when Gloria Steinem asks you to come to a meeting, you tend to go.
That year was a turning point for those of us who had been working for women’s equality for decades, and rightly feared that much of the progress women had made was seriously threatened. But Gloria’s antidote to fear and despair was hope through collective action.
Many women in media and entertainment attended the event, including journalist and ERA Coalition President and CEO Carol Jenkins, then-president of PBS Pat Mitchell, actor and activist Jane Fonda, and former Ms. Magazine editor-in-chief Robin Morgan. The Women’s Media Center was born from that conference.
We wanted women to be more visible and influential in the media, and to have more influence over who tells what stories.
“We are the leaders we were looking for.”
In her upcoming book, “An Unexpected Life,” which will be published later this month, Steinem writes: “It turns out that we all learn from diversity, not from sameness. It’s a gift to be around people of different ages, races, and experiences.”
I am grateful for the many lessons I learned from Gloria Steinem. “Telling your story is the greatest gift you can give others” is a quote I will always remember.
But I think the most profound and memorable lesson she wanted to convey was, as she often said, “We are not ranked, we are connected.” For me, it was never a good feeling. It was an instruction and a legacy.
This is important at a moment when people are wondering who can fill Gloria’s role as “feminist leader.” She understood more than anyone that she was the kind of leader we were looking for.
Therefore, the time has come for each of us to step forward and lead with courage, intention, determination and hope. what are you going to do
Gloria Felt is the co-founder and president of Take The Lead, a nonprofit organization on a mission to break the boundaries of gender equality in all sectors. She is the author of Intentioning: Sex, Power, Pandemics, and How Women Will Take the Lead for (Everyone’s) Good.
