How do you know if your child is exhibiting healthy emotional development?
As a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience and author of How to Raise Emotionally Mature Children, I know that this is a time when children are learning to navigate their emotions, others, and the outside world.
Emotionally mature children grow into psychologically well-equipped adults who can deal with life’s stresses on their own. They transform into adaptable, rational people who can solve problems, maintain satisfying long-term relationships, and engage in meaningful work. Your patience, attention, and love have been essential supports for lifelong resilience.
Here are eight signs that your child is emotionally mature (or growing) and how you can encourage and encourage your child’s emotional development and resilience.
1. Demonstrate energy and positivity
They are passionate about their interests, their play is absorbing and creative, and they seek positive experiences. This motivated energy may be exhausting for you as a parent, but it will keep your child’s momentum going into adulthood.
What you can do: You can feed your children’s energy by listening to their ideas, whether you allow them later or not. So show them that they can share ideas with you and that you won’t rain on their parade.
2. They become increasingly self-aware and empathetic
As children grow, they develop a sense of self that is based on awareness of their inner experiences. This increased self-awareness quickly translates into empathy for others and respect for their perspectives.
What you can do: It’s easy. If you take an interest in other people’s feelings, your children will learn to take an interest in other people’s feelings.
3. They stand up for themselves, but they can also be reasonable.
Children who are thriving are not afraid to stand up for themselves and share their ideas. At the same time, they can cooperate and cooperate if you provide some options and explanations.
What you can do: Teach your child to be their own person by respecting their right to express their opinion, even if you have no intention of changing their mind. You support their self-advocacy, but you also teach them how to resolve disagreements respectfully.
4. Enjoy intimacy and are not afraid to be emotionally vulnerable.
Children who are becoming emotionally mature will feel comfortable showing their vulnerable side to you. They see you as someone with whom they can share their deepest feelings. Even teenagers will turn to you for affection and comfort as long as you respect their autonomy and privacy.
What you can do: Teach your child how to enjoy emotional intimacy in relationships by taking their feelings seriously and not minimizing or invalidating their experiences.
5. I am getting better at expressing and controlling my emotions.
As children grow up, they learn to cope with difficult emotions without getting depressed or blaming others. Your tolerance for stress will improve and you will gradually develop a certain amount of patience.
They know why and who they are angry at, but usually refrain from being mean or rude to others. They own their emotions, but are also learning that others are affected by what they say and how they say it. They learn to disagree without attacking.
What you can do: Giving children the confidence to listen to their side of the story and understand their feelings will minimize the need for them to act out or be passive-aggressive.
6. They pursue their own interests
As children become more individualized, they prefer to follow their curiosity, learn, and set their own goals. They may enjoy playing, making things, collecting things, and planning projects.
What you can do: If your child comes to you with ideas and big plans, you’re probably doing a good job of coaching their creativity and confidence.
7. Fully independent for age.
And they try their own ideas to solve problems. They are not afraid to make mistakes in the process.
What you can do: Praise your child for making them feel confident enough to go out into the world and take on challenges, even if they sometimes want too much independence, which means setting limits.
8. Their minds are more sensitive, flexible, and complex.
Emotionally mature children begin to understand some of the complexities of life. They begin to notice cause and effect. They think about possible consequences and anticipate extenuating circumstances. Life is no longer black and white. Their thinking becomes increasingly subtle, giving them an intuitive ability to change and adapt as necessary.
What you can do: Share your own thought processes with your children and encourage them to imagine different possible outcomes. By having fun thinking about things from different angles, you can develop a flexible and complex mind.
Lindsey C. Gibson, PhD, is a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience in psychotherapy, speaker, and author of the New York Times bestseller, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Her latest book is How to Raise Emotionally Mature Children. She has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Guardian, and has appeared on The Oprah Podcast, The Mel Robbins Podcast, and Dan Harris’ 10% Happier.
