For many people, reaching out to strangers can be a daunting prospect, but Carly Valancy has a “really special love” for networking, she says.
Valancy, 30, has had an extensive career. Before co-founding Momentum Growth, a growth consulting firm for female founders, she worked in technology, theater, and marketing.
Through each professional axis, she says networking has been the key to her success.
When Valancey faced a career crossroads in her early 20s, she challenged herself to contact one new person every day for 100 days, an idea inspired by Molly Beck’s networking strategy book, Reach Out.
The experience “completely changed my life,” she says.
“Not only has it given me a lot of great opportunities, jobs, and mentors, but it’s also really given me confidence in myself. Being able to ask for what I want, being able to reach out to strangers and actually make real connections.”
Five years later, Valancy is taking on the 100-day networking challenge again. She started it in October, but she plans to end it on her 31st birthday in March, although she has clarified that the challenge will only take place on weekdays.
This time, she says, her main goal is to “plant seeds for my future self,” since she already has a strong network on her side.
Strategy for her challenge
The first time Valancy tried to send 100 messages in 100 days, she felt “confused and desperate to make a change.” By the end, she says, she was burnt out.
“It’s no surprise that in times of desperation, many people turn to networking,” she says. “Maybe you got laid off from your job, or maybe you moved to a new city and suddenly thought, ‘Oh my god, I need to network.'”
This time she’s more intentional.
It’s important to have a list of specific goals, Valancy says. Her goal is to find her consulting firm’s “dream clients,” give her personal brand “more visibility,” and create “amazing experiences” for her family.
So far, Valancy has organized introductory meetings with potential clients, pitched herself to speak at universities and secured sponsorship from her favorite baby brand for her son’s F1-themed birthday party.
Valancey doesn’t plan in advance who she’ll reach out to. “I don’t want it to feel like a to-do list,” she says.
She chooses people she contacts every day through LinkedIn, social media, or email just out of curiosity, like, “Oh, this person looks really cool, or they’re doing the job I want to do in five years, or they’re writing something I really like.”
From her previous attempt at the 100 Day Challenge, Valancy learned that “the greatest opportunities come from the most random places and the most random people.”
She logs all messages of support and responses on Tether, an online platform she created to track her networking efforts. The last time Valancy tried the challenge, the response rate was 70%.
“It’s so easy to completely miss these connections and attempts to connect,” she says, but Tether helps her stay organized.
How she conquered network nerves
Many people don’t feel comfortable reaching out to others for fear of being “rejected or judged,” Valancey said.
Even after sending hundreds of networking messages throughout her career, Valancy is still nervous. “The fear of exposing yourself is very real, and pretending otherwise is a very lie,” she says.
Rather than hold it back, Valancy chose to be open about his feelings.
“Telling the truth and just expressing how you’re feeling trying to connect with someone can really relieve anxiety,” she says.
Valancey has found that people are more likely to respond positively when they openly acknowledge how stressful and awkward networking can be.
“I can’t tell you how many times I reach out to someone and they’re like, ‘You’re so far off my level, I’m so nervous to reach out to you right now,'” she says.
“Secondly, we can let our guard down, be honest, and share that with the person we’re trying to connect with. First of all, the better it is, the more authentic and true it feels, but it also means that it’s better received,” continues Valancy.
She says networking can feel “really unpleasant” when people approach it from a transactional perspective, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
She describes her networking ethos as an “anti-sales buddy approach.” “When I talk to other people, I just want to be myself,” Valancy says.
According to Valancy, the connections you make today can have an “incredible impact on our lives years from now.”
“Life really is about who you know,” she says. “All the best things in our lives, both professional and personal, are made possible by the people around us and the companions we continue to associate with.”
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