Parenting is full of love and joy, but there are some harsh realities that we don’t want to face.
In my 10 years as a pediatrician, I have seen the same pattern over and over again. Parents want the best for their children, but sometimes they miss out on things that actually help their children grow.
Some of these truths may be a little uncomfortable, but they are not meant to embarrass you. They are intended to help us reflect and hopefully raise happier and healthier children.
1. If you haven’t modeled an action, behavior, or value, don’t expect them to do the same thing.
Children imitate what they see rather than what they are told. How you speak, deal with stress, and make things right matters.
If you want them to learn kindness and respect, show it with your actions. I try to model this in small everyday moments — how you talk to employees at the grocery store, how you apologize if you lose your patience, how you talk about people when no one is around. Children catch that energy quickly.
2. If you always save them from boredom, they will never learn that being lazy is comfortable.
Boredom sparks creativity. When every moment is filled with entertainment, children lose the opportunity to explore their ideas. Give them space to figure it out.
3. If you feel like your child has too much of a schedule, that’s because they have too much of a schedule. Put things back together.
When afternoons turn into soccer, piano, and play relays, it’s a fast track to burnout for anyone. Downtime gives your body and brain room to breathe. Please protect it.
4. Set your bedtime. Stick to a routine. Sleep is a necessity.
Sleep powers growth, learning, and emotional balance. Typically, toddlers need about 11 to 14 hours, preschoolers 10 to 13 hours, school-age children 9 to 12 hours, and adolescents 8 to 10 hours. However, these are just ranges. What matters most is how your child is functioning. If you wake up alert, don’t nod off at odd times, and don’t show signs of sleep deprivation such as irritability or difficulty concentrating, you’re probably getting enough sleep.
5. Seriously stop excessive snacking. That’s why they aren’t eating.
If your child snacks all day long, they won’t have an appetite. If you don’t like the meal, just hold out until snack time. Planning snacks predictably gives kids structure and time to feel hungry again, encouraging them to come eat.
6. You don’t need fancy “immune boosting” supplements.
A real immune booster? Sleep, eat nutritious food, stay hydrated, exercise, and wash your hands. Nothing compares to powder or gummies.
7. Don’t seek antibiotics just because you have a persistent cough.
Most coughs after a viral infection last several weeks. Extra antibiotics will not speed healing. They only increase resistance and side effects.
Time and comfort are often the keys. I usually recommend keeping the air moist with a cool mist humidifier, giving warm liquids like honey water (if over 1 year old), using saline or suction for congestion, and letting them rest.
Of course, you should always consult your pediatrician, especially if the situation seems to be getting worse.
8. Don’t use screens or food to calm down any meltdowns.
It’s tempting to take immediate solutions, but distraction is not regulation. Children need opportunities to practice coping skills, such as naming their emotions, learning to breathe, and learning that these feelings will pass.
9. If your child attends an Ivy League college and you can’t stand the disappointment, you’re missing the point.
Academic success means little if your child collapses under stress. Resilience—the skill to fail, learn, and try again—is what truly prepares them for life.
Raising children also requires us to grow. These truths may be heartbreaking, but recognizing them will build strong families. Again, it is always important to maintain a close relationship and consult with your pediatrician before making any major changes to your child’s health habits.
Dr. Mona Amin is a board-certified pediatrician and founder of PedsDocTalk, a resource for up-to-date parenting guidance. Featured in the New York Times, Time Magazine, and NPR, she is known for helping parents navigate the joys and challenges of parenting with confidence and clarity.
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