“My child won’t tell me anything about the day!” This is a frequently asked question from parents in my psychotherapy clinic. They want a glimpse into the child’s world. But when you ask someone, “How was school today?”, you can usually get a one-word answer.
As a therapist and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, I encourage parents to ask questions that start thoughtful, meaningful conversations. By reflecting on their own experiences, children practice skills such as emotional recognition, problem solving, and empathy, and develop a growth mindset.
Here are seven questions that will lead to productive conversations and help children become mentally stronger.
1. “What did you enjoy most about that day?”
This question encourages children to scan their brains and look for the positives. For children who hate school or who tend to focus on what went wrong, answering this question can help foster optimism and gratitude. These are both factors that protect your mental health.
Frame your questions around your own experience, such as, “The best part of my day was going for a walk during my lunch break. What about you?” Your child might share a highlight, such as, “We played kickball at recess.”
2. “What mistake did you learn from today?”
This normalizes errors and celebrates healthy risk-taking. Talking openly about mistakes reduces shame and helps children see mistakes as opportunities for growth.
Ask with curiosity, not criticism. “Something happened today that would you do differently next time?” This might lead you to say, “I forgot my library book, so I’m going to pack it tonight so I don’t forget.”
3. “Who were you proud of today?”
It works because it focuses your attention on others and develops empathy. It also provides insight into your child’s relationships and what they value.
Make your questions more specific by asking, for example, “Did you see anyone working hard on something today?” Your child might talk about a brave friend or pat themselves on the back for sharing mine because their friend forgot theirs.
4. “What is one thing you could have done better today?”
This question helps children identify emotions such as frustration and disappointment without dwelling on the experience. It naturally opens the door to problem solving and planning.
You can ask questions in a fun way, such as, “If you had a magic wand to change one thing about today, what would it be?” This can lead to creative ideas like, “I wish I had more time for my art project, so I could take it home and finish it.”
5. “Who did you help today?”
By asking questions like this, you can encourage children to engage in prosocial behavior. If you ask regularly, children will start looking for opportunities to be helpful, and acts of kindness will become second nature.
Ask about small acts of contribution. You might remember something as simple as, “How was your help today?” or “I helped the teacher hand out the papers.”
6. “What is the most interesting thing you learned today?”
We value curiosity more than academic ability. Showing interest in the learning process itself promotes lifelong learning.
Encourage children to talk about what they have learned outside of their own subject. You might share a fun fact, such as, “I found out that my teacher knows how to play the violin.” Show interest and keep the conversation going by asking follow-up questions.
7. “What is something new you would like to try?”
This encourages children to look outside their comfort zones and encourages them to be courageous. You don’t have to be good at something to try something new. It’s a learning experience.
If your child is hesitant to try new things, encourage them to experiment by asking, “Are there any clubs or activities that interest you that you would like to try just once?” They’re more likely to explore if they know they don’t have to stick with it forever.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker, and lecturer at Northeastern University. She is the author of several books, including 13 Things Strong Kids Should Do: Think Big, Feel Good, and Act Bravely and 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do. Her TEDx talk, “The Secret to Being Mentally Strong,” is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.
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