Building resilience is important, but how do you actually do it? I’ve spent 15 years researching happiness and interviewing thousands of people about what makes success possible.
I learned that resilience is not something you are born with. It’s not even about resilience, a concept that often does more harm than good. True resilience is developing certain habits that train your brain to overcome challenges without overcoming them.
Here are nine habits that actually work.
1. Reframe stress as a signal rather than a threat
If your heart is racing before an important meeting, your instinct may be to panic. Before you do that, stop and say to yourself: “I’m excited about this.”
I know it sounds like toxic positive thinking. it’s not. Research shows that this simple reconfiguration, moving from threat to challenge, can change physiological responses.
Your body can’t easily distinguish between anxiety and excitement. The only difference is your interpretation.
2. Make one small decision every day with confidence.
When you constantly second-guess yourself, your brain learns that it cannot be trusted to process the consequences. Small, confident decisions can help rewire your brain and increase your confidence in yourself.
So choose lunch without looking through 5 options. Make a movie in two minutes flat. Send your email 10 times without editing. This teaches your brain that you can decide and deal with what happens next, even if it’s not perfect. That’s exactly the skill you need in a crisis.
3. Build your support system with intention
Maintaining deep relationships with hundreds of people is extremely difficult. Research shows that we can manage about 150 stable relationships, but only about 5 truly intimate relationships.
The most emotionally resilient people don’t spread their emotional energy thinly or try to handle everything alone.
They invest in these core relationships. And when things get tough, they have people in their corner to help carry the burden.
4. Create a “Done” list instead of a to-do list
Most of us focus on what we have left undone. It’s a feeling of eternal failure. I want this reversed.
Every day, write down what you actually accomplish, no matter how small. Over time, your brain stops noticing gaps and starts noticing progress. This change is where resilience lives.
5. Notice and enjoy one good moment every day.
When you consciously pay attention to positive moments, you rewire your neural pathways toward happiness. Choose one moment a day that is worth savoring. It’s a good conversation. A small victory. It’s really delicious coffee.
Take 30 seconds to actually notice it. This practice counteracts your brain’s obsession with what’s wrong and builds psychological resilience moment by moment.
6. Practice integrity in your closest relationships.
Be vulnerable with those who are important to you. Talk to someone about your real challenges. Ask for honest feedback, not just agreement. Have conversations that may make you uncomfortable.
The most resilient people feel safe being themselves without fear of criticism. Being open with people you trust will help you flex that muscle.
7. Help others before they need help
This may sound counterintuitive until you realize that helping others is a powerful, energy-charging habit. We’re also building a support system for the future. You are reinforcing your identity as competent and resourceful.
Most importantly, resilience means remembering that you are also contributing and being important to others.
8. Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can happen?”
Most people avoid this question because they are afraid of the answer. But research shows that imagining the worst-case scenario actually reduces anxiety, not increases it.
So ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Please actually accept the question. Then ask yourself, “Can I handle it?” Usually the answer is yes. It may not be easy, but it is.
The most resilient people understand that bad things can happen, but most importantly, they have the confidence that they can cope when bad things happen.
9. Practice these habits in low-risk moments.
Emotional resilience is a skill that can be honed. It doesn’t require therapy, meditation retreats, or years of hard work.
Start with one or two of these habits. Reframe stress when the risk is low. Build supportive relationships now, not when you’re desperate. You can confidently make decisions about small things, so you can prepare for big things.
Jessica Weiss is a keynote speaker and executive coach who teaches people and businesses how to find more happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction at work. With a background in positive psychology, she has worked with global brands such as Coca-Cola, Johnson & Johnson, and American Express for 15 years. She is the author of Happiness Works: The Science of Thriving at Work.
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