I am the first woman in my family to go to college, control my finances and career, have control over my own body, and be able to choose whether or not to have children and how many.
Honoring the wildest dreams of my ancestors has always been a core part of my identity, and so many women of color I know feel the same way. But it can be difficult to reconcile feelings of joy and purpose with the exhaustion that comes with being first, few, unique, and different.
That’s why I developed a philosophy of non-competition, based on the belief that ambition, rest and self-care don’t have to be mutually exclusive. But in the words of Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, building your life around “the relationships and activities that are most important to you” often requires making difficult decisions.
Start by figuring out exactly what kind of rest your body and mind need. One helpful framework is Dr. Saundra Dalton Smith’s “Seven Types of Rest.” We’ll show you how to incorporate each into your life.
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1. Physical rest
Physical rest involves helping your body recover and maintain function. Some are passive, such as napping and sleeping, while others are active, such as stretching, yoga, foam rolling, and massage.
2. Mental rest
Mental rest frees your mind from thoughts, ruminations, and endless to-do lists and tasks. You can also meditate, take a short break from work, or take up a relaxing hobby.
3. Rest for the senses
Cell phone notifications and the sounds of co-workers talking are examples of sensory stimuli that can overwhelm your brain. To combat overstimulation and give your senses a rest, Dalton-Smith recommends temporarily closing your eyes, using noise-cancelling headphones, or, if possible, spending a few minutes alone in a dark, quiet room.
4. Creative rest
Sources of creative rest may include spending time in nature, pursuing creative projects, or filling your workspace with objects that spark joy, surprise, and curiosity.
5. Mental rest
As a people-pleaser in recovery, I know what it’s like to be emotionally drained by constantly trying to meet the expectations of others. Mental rest requires setting boundaries with others and respecting them.
6. Social rest
Think about some of the most important relationships in your life. Which relationships give you energy? Make it a priority to spend time with people who uplift you and fill you with positive emotions. Rest doesn’t necessarily mean loneliness. It is important to know what kind of people will support you.
7. Mental rest
According to Dalton Smith, spiritual rest is “the ability to connect beyond body and mind and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance, and purpose.” We can achieve spiritual rest by praying, volunteering, or joining a spiritually minded community.
This framework helped me understand what motivates me to do my best work and how to create a schedule that fits all areas of my life. I now understand that the most meaningful way I can honor my family and set an example they can be proud of is by living a life deeply intertwined with rest and ambition.
Ruchika T. Malhotra is the founder of Candour, a global inclusion strategy firm. She is a former business journalist and currently contributes regularly to Harvard Business Review. She has held adjunct faculty positions at the University of Washington and Seattle University and is the author of Inclusion on Purpose and her latest book, Uncompete.
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This is an excerpt from “Uncompete” by Ruchika T. Malhotra, published by Viking, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright © 2025 by Ruchika Tarshan.
