Hilary Duff loves being a mom.
“It’s so fun to watch the kids grow up,” the 38-year-old celebrity told Alex Cooper on a recent episode of the podcast “Call Her Daddy,” adding, “As the kids grow up, they get so cool.”
Still, balancing a career as an actress, musician, wife, and mother of four isn’t easy, especially when it comes to finding time for yourself.
“When you become a mother, you feel so much guilt,” she says. She said she was constantly conflicted about whether she should spend all her time with her family or take time for herself.
And sometimes you yourself win. “I had to go out for martinis last night instead of being home with my family,” she said.
It’s a decision supported by parenting expert and author Reem Lauda. Here’s why:
“Every mother feels the division.”
Lauda is no stranger to the conflict between her family and herself.
“Every mother feels that split,” she says, and it’s a result of societal messages that prioritize family above all else. Doing something just for yourself can make you feel betrayed.
But “choosing yourself” and “choosing your children” are misnomers, she says. The two are not mutually exclusive and depend on each other.
When it comes to caring for children, “we need to increase our ability to show up for our children, and that means meeting our needs,” she says. Without breaks to relax, parents can’t give their full focus and energy to raising their children.
No matter how you choose to relax, it’s important to figure out exactly what Duff says. “It’s not about self-care or motherhood,” says Lauda. Instead, “Self-care is the foundation of motherhood.”
Ultimately, she says, the time parents have for themselves can be beneficial if they use it to relax, recharge, or do something fun.
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