When someone patronizes you, it’s easy to feel disrespected. Maybe they thought you were new to the organization or you were young and didn’t know what you were doing. Perhaps they thought you were too old to use new technology.
It’s not always easy to know what to do in that situation. Their assumptions about your abilities are wrong, but you don’t want to deny the obvious truth. Maybe you’re older, maybe you’re younger, or maybe you’re new to the organization. How can you effectively advocate for yourself while still maintaining your identity?
Dolly Parton knew the answer. Almost half a century ago, she gave a now-famous interview with Barbara Walters, one of television’s most prominent journalists at the time. Walters bombarded Parton with all the pointed questions people had been whispering behind her back about her clothes, body shape, and even her breasts. She also claimed Parton’s lower-class background.
“Dolly,” she began. “Would I have called you a hillbilly where I was from? … When I think of hillbillies, do I think of people like you?”
What was behind Dolly Parton’s “powerful” answer?
I’ve taught communications at Columbia Business School and Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business for more than a decade, and Parton’s answer contains powerful lessons that we can all use.
“I guess so,” she replied. “But we were a very proud people, a very classy people. It was a rural class, but a very classy one. And most of my people weren’t very educated, but they were very, very intelligent. Good common sense, or horse sense, we used to call it.”
I call Parton’s move the “label upgrade” strategy, and it’s a way to both maintain your dignity and disarm the people who are badmouthing you.
She’s not denying that she’s a hillbilly, nor is she offended by what could easily be seen as an insult. Instead, she claims the label and fixes its meaning. To Walters, “hillbilly” clearly meant “backward” or “unsophisticated.” But Parton owned it and changed the meaning. Being a hillbilly has come to mean being proud, pragmatic, and wise.
The next time someone says something bad about you, there’s no need to argue. Instead, you can use the same strategy to redefine the labels and boxes your opponent is trying to fit you into. If the other person calls you or insinuates that you’re “too inexperienced,” you can reinforce your fresh perspective. If they try to knock you down for being “over the hill,” you can emphasize your wisdom and judgment.
How to use the “Label Upgrade” strategy
Upgrading a label consists of two parts. First, accept what they said as accurate (assuming it’s true; if it’s not, you can challenge their premise). Then redefine what that means. It might sound like:
“You’re right. I’m new here. It allows me to see things that no one else sees anymore and find opportunities that you might have missed.” “It’s true that I don’t have an MBA. So I’ve had to learn through experience and by working directly with customers. That’s why I’m so confident in the capabilities that customers want.” “You’re right. I don’t know anything about engineering, but neither do most of my customers. So if you can’t explain it to me, they’re going to have a hard time understanding it.” “Admittedly, I’ve never worked in a large company before, which means I had to learn not only how to do my job, but also how to get results, even if that meant collaborating to help other departments. That’s why I feel strongly that you can’t just blame the sales department.”
Or, if you’re Dolly Parton, you might say this to Barbara Walters, who questioned her “radical clothes” and blonde wig. “It’s certainly a choice. I don’t like to be like everyone else. I’ve often said I’ll never slouch to be fashionable. It’s the easiest thing in the world.”
Knowing the truth and still being able to define terms for yourself is a powerful move. You may not have a lot of experience, but your perspective can be an asset. Even if you don’t have an MBA, your idea could be the best one. When you use a label upgrade strategy like Dolly Parton’s, you accept someone else’s definition other than your own.
Dorie Clark has taught executive education for over 10 years at Columbia Business School and Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business. She is a keynote speaker, former presidential campaign spokesperson, and author of the best-selling book The Long Game. You can subscribe to her e-newsletter here.
