People love their AI companions. And we increasingly rely on AI to navigate the most difficult parts of human relationships.
From 2022 to mid-2025, the number of AI companion apps increased by 700%. The study found that seven out of 10 Gen Zers use AI to resolve conflicts at work, and nearly half use it in their dating lives, including helping break ups.
I understand the appeal. AI companions are built to simulate human connections. They provide responses that are empathetic, non-judgmental, and seem validating. In long conversations, when we go on and on about the same issue like man’s best friend, they don’t zone out or cut short. They become more positive over time, just the opposite.
But social scientists like me have studied the pros and cons of using AI in difficult interactions and discovered hidden costs that most people are unaware of. Avoiding AI may not be practical. But it can be used more thoughtfully to support healthier relationships.
Here we introduce some costs and ways to deal with them.
1. AI gives us confidence, even when we shouldn’t have it.
Among Gen Z employees who use AI to analyze workplace conflicts, 44% said they felt more confident in their perspective after discussing a situation with AI, and 38% said they felt validated. Only 12% said they now believe they were wrong. AI companions have built-in features designed to make us feel this way.
First, I would like to explain my problem as follows. “My boss is micromanaging me for no reason. What should I do?” But if a “micromanaging” boss were to explain the same situation to an AI bot, it might say, “My employee keeps making mistakes and not improving, so I need over-supervision. What should I do?”
Our descriptions are not objective reminders of events. One of the biggest hurdles to overcome in conflict resolution is getting people to agree on what actually happened.
AI chatbots don’t push you to understand the essence of things. It wouldn’t be much fun to interact with a chatbot that responds with, “Oh, come on, Tessa. There’s no way that’s going to happen.” Instead, chatbots are designed to be self-validating and flattering in order to keep us engaged and come back for more. And by reinforcing our own biased beliefs, we often begin to avoid personal responsibility.
what to do
Instead of asking general questions that are biased to your point of view, have the chatbot explain the event to you as if it were a third person.
For example: “An employee asked for paid time off a week ago. The boss said, ‘No, I want you to come in before that important deadline.'” What would you advise an employee to do if they wanted to convince their boss to change their mind?
You can also ask the bot for any additional details it needs. In this case, training data on negotiation and workplace policies can be used to provide more specific and actionable answers.
2. AI advice can be too general and too kind to be helpful
Because AI systems are trained on so much data, we think of them as objective observers, akin to billions of points of view. We are less likely to question human advice because it is considered less biased. But an algorithm is no more useful than a human who knows the people, culture, and norms relevant to your question.
When we ask for feedback about social relationships, we know that one opinion is not enough. So we ask around. And we’re also smart about who we ask. A person who has unique knowledge about the people or environment in question. Does my boss “micromanage” everyone, or is it just me? Is that normal here?
AI companions are trained to provide general and relevant advice. It may make you feel better, but it won’t solve the real problem.
what to do
Always supplement AI advice with human advice, and focus on humans who have context and personal experience that the AI doesn’t have.
3. AI can turn you into a cookie-cutter conversationalist who is not who you are.
AI generates content that is repetitive. Overusing certain words, phrases, and sentence structures. It gives a formal and assertive impression, but it also gives an impression of politeness. It lacks emotional depth.
When we let an AI write our emails, complete our sentences, create the perfect dating profile, and tell us exactly what to say in response to a nasty comment from our boss, we lose our unique voice. Before you know it, you won’t know how to respond on the fly in an authentic and believable way. And you’re at risk of your real-life self not matching the AI-generated persona you’re using in your asynchronous written communications.
what to do
Try our AI-based advice and report back. Chatbot advice can be improved by providing more objective and behavioral feedback. Or look for help elsewhere.
4. It will backfire if people think you are using AI.
“Smart replies,” or algorithmic response suggestions, speed up communication, help us use more positive language, and lead our interaction partners to perceive us as more cooperative.
However, there is a catch here. Your partner will evaluate you more negatively if they suspect you are using AI to converse, even if you are not. There’s something uncomfortable about interacting with someone who has outsourced their side of the conversation to an algorithm.
what to do
We live in an era where everything is outsourced to AI. However, when it comes to personal communication, try to do it yourself as much as possible. If you don’t, you run the risk of irritating the person you’re talking to, and making your interpersonal skills rusty in the process.
Tessa West is a social psychologist and professor at New York University. She has spent years using science to help people resolve interpersonal conflicts in the workplace. She is the author of “Workplace Assholes: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them” and “Job Therapy: Finding a Job That Works for You,” and instructor of CNBC’s online course “How to Change Your Career and Become Happier at Work.”
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