Last month, I was standing at a hotel coffee station holding a little porcelain creamer shaped like a cow when a stranger came up next to me and said, “Hello.” My mind went completely blank. I couldn’t even call out to them, “How’s the weather like?” level of response.
If you’ve ever had that moment, you’re in great company. As a professional speaker and executive coach, I speak for a living, and I still get turned down by casual greetings.
Small talk may seem trivial, but it’s a warm-up before actually building a connection. As with any warm-up, you’ll go much better if you know a few moves.
That’s why I keep three easy lead-ins in my back pocket. It works in almost any environment: in an elevator, during happy hour at a meeting, or in the two minutes before Zoom starts. None of it has to be naturally attractive. It just requires a little bit of attention.
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1. Notice the small things and praise them.
This is mostly a scam. Find one specific thing about the person, like a lunch, a note, or a sharp observation from a previous meeting, and name it.
You might say something like, “That salad looks like it was planned with some planning. What’s in it?” Or, “You made a very good case for driving the launch. How did you arrive at that timeline?”
Compliments are a cheat code that many adults forgot existed after middle school, but it’s the specificity that really makes a compliment land. Vague flattery (“Great presentation!”) feels like a polite, performative, and instantly forgettable LinkedIn comment.
When you notice something specific, it lets the other person know that you are actually here and that you care.
2. Ask probing questions
Most small talk disappears because the questions aren’t strong enough to hold weight. “How was your weekend?” you ask. “Okay,” they reply. End scene.
The fix is to craft your question with a bit more scaffolding.
Instead of “How was the meeting?” you might try asking, “What surprised you about the meeting?” Swap it with, “How are you doing this week?” “What are you really passionate about right now?”
The structure of the question is what will lead to the true answer. You are asking your conversation partner to talk. People almost always have something they want to share if you give them a chance.
3. Delete a conversation thread
This is the move I teach most often. Conversation threads are small pieces of information that you provide so that the other person can understand.
Instead of saying, “How was your weekend?” say, “It was delicious. My kid learned how to make scrambled eggs and brought me breakfast in bed. It was cute and a little burnt.”
Now the opponent has a choice. They can ask about your child. They can confess their own kitchen mishaps. They can say that their teenager still does not break eggs. Instead of the conversation stalling, you gave them three or four threads to run with.
This is a move that helps relax the shyest, most introverted, and most socially anxious people. It takes the pressure off of having to come up with questions. Now half the work is done.
Small talk doesn’t have to be painful or deep. You need to be a little more specific.
Try one of these during your next coffee break, your next elevator ride, or the silence before your next meeting. Let’s see what happens when “What’s the Weather Like” finally deserves its retirement?
Henna Pryor, CSP, is a global keynote speaker who helps leaders and teams communicate with confidence and integrity. She is a SUCCESS Magazine Women of Influence, a LinkedIn Learning Instructor, and a Glassdoor WorkLife Pro. She is the author of Good Awkward: How to Embracing the Emmarassing and Celebrate the Cringe to become The Bravest You. Hena is an expert instructor for CNBC’s online course “How to Talk to People at Work.”
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