A recent DatingNews.com survey of 1,000 U.S. adults found that more than half of singles (73%) plan to use dating apps to find love this year.
According to the company’s research, the most popular dating apps in the United States are Tinder, Bumble, and Match.
Sabrina Romanoff, a New York-based psychologist and relationship expert at dating app Highly, says that while swiping on a dating app may be a little less scary than, say, approaching a stranger at a bar, there are still behaviors you’ll want to avoid when using the app.
She recommends things to keep in mind.
clarify your values
According to Romanoff, when looking at profiles, it’s easy to be drawn in to “people with their shirts off or in bikinis.” But being attractive doesn’t necessarily indicate a good partner.
So before you start swiping, you need to be clear about what you’re looking for. Think back to past relationships and think about what worked, what didn’t, and what drew you to them in the first place, Romanoff says. Did they have proper credentials written on paper? Did it lead to a healthy connection? Next, decide whether to change your criteria.
A dating profile doesn’t tell you everything, but it can tell you what’s important to a person. Ask yourself, Romanoff says, are they “leading with their bodies,” or are they “leading by really trying to show who they are?”
Check yourself before you swipe
You should also pay attention to your mood before jumping into these apps.
It’s easy to fall into the habit of “feeling really alone and needing a distraction, like scrolling through Instagram or swiping through a dating app,” Romanoff said. But that’s not the headspace that leads to success.
If your urge to swipe comes from a desire to escape negative emotions, it can cloud your judgment. It can also make you more vulnerable to what happens on the app (whether they match with you, whether they send messages, etc.).
Instead, check in with yourself to see how you’re feeling, and if you find yourself in a negative headspace, try sitting with and processing those feelings, and maybe even taking a walk, Romanoff says. Once you’re calm and collected, sign on to the app again.
Remember: Apps don’t measure your worth
Please note that nothing that happens on the app is a measure of your worth.
Culturally, many people have been raised with the idea that external recognition is a measure of success, Romanoff said. “That’s what makes dating really difficult, because if you don’t match, you tend to think, ‘Oh, that means there’s something wrong with me,'” she says.
But when you swipe, she says, there are so many factors at play, including algorithms and timing, that influence whether someone you’re interested in sees you. Keep these things in mind when feelings of rejection creep in.
And, “don’t make dating the focal point of your world,” she says. Cultivate meaningful friendships and invest your time in the things you love. No matter what response you get or don’t get, these other outlets can help ease the “highs and lows of the roller coaster.”
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