As author Jennifer Wallace researched anxiety and depression in high-performing schools for her New York Times bestselling book Never Enough, she realized that “at the end of the day, that’s what matters” to growing children.
Wallace defines mothering as feeling valued for who you are and the opportunity to add value to your family, friends, colleagues, and broader community.
Studies have shown that a lack of material thinking is associated with depression and even suicidal tendencies. “We are interdependent,” Wallace said. “That’s how we survived and evolved, and we can’t ignore these human needs.”
Wallace’s latest book, Mothering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose, is about just that. Her advice for those who want to feel a little more important in their lives:
“People are very reluctant to cancel because of the coronavirus.”
Wallace has fond memories of the deep community ties he grew up with in the ’70s and early ’80s.
“I remember when we went on vacation, our neighbors would go and feed the goldfish,” she says. “Or if a big storm comes, they’ll check in. Now, people don’t know their neighbors.”
Wallace suggests trying several tactics to strengthen your bond and improve your life.
First, consider sending a small thank you note. This might be like sending a text that says, “I wouldn’t have gone to that job interview if it weren’t for you,” she says. “Thank you for always believing in me.”
we are interdependent. This is how we survive and evolve, and we cannot ignore this human need.
jennifer wallace
bestselling author
“The quickest way to feel important is to remind others why they matter,” she says.
Let’s try doing small useful things in our daily life. For example, if you have an elderly neighbor who recently had surgery and you need to walk their dog for a week, “say, ‘I’d be happy to help,'” Wallace says.
Finally, Wallace suggests doing a simple exercise every night. Take 30 seconds and think about it. “Today, when was the last time you felt valued by someone? And when was the last time you added value, even in a small way?” she says.
This reframing trains your brain to focus on the good.
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