For both children and adults, uncertainty can be scary.
But even in situations where you can’t control the outcome, how you explain the situation can help you and those around you feel more comfortable in the unknown, says Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and founder of parenting support platform Good Inside.
Kennedy recommends a simple three-step formula that parents can use with their children and leaders in the workplace to ease anxiety about uncertainty. This is a strategy that all parents and leaders should “keep in mind,” she said in a speech at Charter’s New Employer Brand Summit in New York City on June 9.
The format is simple:
Start with what you know, acknowledge what is uncertain, and again conclude with what you know
President Kennedy said, “Uncertainty makes us feel less dangerous than uncertainty without a name.” She explained that openly admitting what you don’t know, rather than glossing over it or pretending to have all the answers, can help those around you feel more comfortable with the change.
Kennedy shared the example of children who want to start a soccer team. As a parent, she uses a three-part formula:
“Look, here’s what I know. You’ve been practicing soccer, great. I want to try out for this team. There’s a lot of other good kids in town.” “Here’s what I don’t know: I don’t know if you’ll make it.” “The other thing I know is that no matter what happens, we’ll get through it together.”
Kennedy said it could help manage anxiety about potential changes in the workplace, giving the example of a boss speaking to their team.
“There are rumors that there will be some changes at the company. There may be a restructuring. That’s absolutely true.” “Here’s what I don’t know. I don’t know the exact date. Honestly, I don’t even know exactly who will be involved in it.” “What I do know is that you’ll know when it’s going to happen, and you’ll know firsthand. No matter what happens, I’m going to find a way to support you.”
Kennedy gave the example of passengers experiencing turbulence on a plane. If pilots don’t communicate during turbulence, passengers will be left in the dark and feel “terrible,” she said. When pilots address the elephant in the room, she added, it could be as simple as saying, “Hey, we’re experiencing turbulence. We don’t know exactly how long it will last, but we’ll talk to you as soon as we have more information.”
Kennedy said that even though pilots may not have all the information passengers want at that moment, many people will be reassured that the personnel are transparent, communicative and understand passengers’ feelings and concerns.
As Kennedy said, “If they just start talking, everything changes.”
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