I can’t stop thinking about Gloria Steinem’s living room. For years, Steinem gathered people in his New York City brownstone and asked them to sit together without table tops or hierarchy. She called them “talking circles.”
She said the custom was partially inspired by the Native American tradition of gathering in a circle, which Steinem wrote about in her 2015 memoir, My Life on the Road. As a journalist and author who focuses on human connection and social health, that part of the book always stuck with me.
“I was struck by how open and approachable she was,” Ann Chauket, CEO of TheLi.st, a community of women and non-binary leaders, wrote in a LinkedIn post on Wednesday after learning of the feminist icon’s death at 92. “She was also very genuine,” said Choquette, who said she mingled in Steinem’s living room twice at events in recent months. “She gave us all dreams of big dreams.”
The conversations that take place in those circles can change lives in ways big and small. This is where plans for Ms. Magazine and the nonprofit Women’s Media Center began to take shape. And, according to the Gloria Foundation, it was often the space Steinem provided for organizations like Third Wave, Equality Now, and Direct Impact Africa to plan their next steps, marking a “tipping point” in their work.
Much of the power of Steinem’s living room was to provide support, an opportunity to flow ideas, and build trust face-to-face. It has fostered welcome moments of connection for decades, but these days nearly three-quarters of adults say they spend time with their loved ones less than twice a month, and about two-thirds say they never join a club or organization.
“Gloria was very interested in intergenerational connections,” Soraya Chemaly, author of “All We Want is Everything” and director of the Women’s Media Center, told me. “She listened to the young women sitting in her living room, never belittling them, always vindicating them,” Schmaly said. She estimates she was a guest in Mr. Steinem’s living room more than a dozen times. “She built community and unity in a discreet and comfortable space.”
The Gloria Foundation announced that the Steinem home will continue to be a gathering place for individuals and groups.
How to Gloriaize your living room and life
You don’t have to be in Steinem’s living room to know what happened there.
From my research on forming meaningful bonds at work, at home, and in third spaces that seem elusive today, here are five simple actions you can take from Steinem’s gathering and practice in your own living room and elsewhere.
Become an organizer: Steinem provided his living room to activists and many others, creating a space where they could gather under the same roof and have meaningful dialogue. Invite people into your home, no matter how big or small it is. The number of guests is not as important as the opportunity to get together. If the costs and logistics involved in planning are holding you back, ask a friend, family member, neighbor, or colleague to co-host. Lower the pressure: The point of Steinem’s Talking Circles was conversation. Don’t put off hosting because you think it has to offer more than it actually does. No one needs the most elaborate buffet or dessert table. You can also ask guests to donate at a potluck. We extend a wide and generous invitation. Steinem brought together people who might not otherwise have been in the same room. Also include neighbors you barely know, or people whose perspectives are very different from yours. Think broadly. Setting the tone: Everyone in Steinem’s living room was invited to speak and listen. Discussions intentionally excluded power relationships that tended to prevent individuals from sharing their experiences and perspectives. Try asking one question and giving everyone a turn to answer. Don’t let the most talkative person have a monopoly. Make it repeatable: Steinem’s rally was not a one-time event. The to-do list to prepare is almost always the same, so the gathering can take on a repeatable rhythm. When Glorifying your home, the first few events may be the most difficult to perform. But it gets easier over time. Host, rinse, repeat. Gloria’s way.
Alison Gilbert is an Emmy Award-winning journalist, author of six acclaimed and bestselling books, and host of Connected Lives. She is also the founder of More Connected, which helps people build stronger relationships and a greater sense of belonging at home, work, and community. The upcoming More Connected app is designed to help people deepen the connections they already have.
