My 5-year-old daughter will be starting elementary school in Italy this September. Watching her prepare for her next chapter made me think about how much our lives have changed.
Although my husband, Alex Ninman, and I were both born and raised in the United States, our daughter was not. We left New York City in 2019 to move to Europe, where I worked in operations for a tech startup and my husband worked as a butcher at Whole Foods. When we welcomed our daughter in 2020, we were staying at her grandfather’s house in the Czech Republic.
We currently live in a small town in Abruzzo, Italy, about 3 hours from Rome. While many Americans who move abroad are drawn to big cities and well-known destinations like Florence, we chose a place that most tourists have never heard of.
We have found another way to live, but I can’t imagine returning to the US in the next few years.
go abroad
Like many Americans, my husband and I grew up surrounded by the idea that success meant constant upgrading: a bigger house, newer cars, bigger accomplishments, and hectic schedules.
Over time, we began to question whether any of those things were actually making us happy.
Cassandra Trestle and her husband, Alex Nimman, were both born and raised in the United States and currently live in the Abruzzo region of Italy with their daughter.
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We weren’t chasing a fantasy life abroad, but we wanted more time, more flexibility, and stronger connections with the people around us.
Italy offered us a lot of what we felt we were missing.
buy a house in abruzzo
Living in a small town allowed me to buy a home for cash without the financial burden that comes with owning a home in the United States.
We paid 11,500 euros (about $13,100) for our home. The two-story, two-bedroom home measures just under 1,076 square feet with a third bedroom and attic in the basement. And I think we spent about another 15,000 euros (about $17,100) on renovations.
The fact that Trestle and her husband were able to purchase a home with cash was “an incredible feeling,” she said, adding that she feels “relief” by not having to make monthly rent or mortgage payments.
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Food, childcare, and other expenses are more affordable here. The lower cost of living has given us more leeway and we can focus less on increasing our income. I continued to work in tech and worked remotely at first. But once we settled in, I was free to let it go. I started working in marketing and content creation for a travel agency in Italy, making less money, but it was worth it.
My flexible schedule allows me to take my daughter to preschool in the morning, pick her up in the afternoon, and spend more time with her childhood in everyday moments. It also gives the family the freedom to travel, explore new regions of Italy, and pursue projects they are passionate about.
Trestle and her family live in a traditional hilltop town, “which means we have amazing views all around us,” she says.
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Our decision to settle here was more than economic. We were drawn to the sense of community. Rather than seeking a temporary adventure or expat bubble, we wanted to be part of the place and contribute to it.
Purchasing a home felt like a commitment to building a future in a community that welcomed us.
Find a different kind of community
In our town, we don’t have the same sense of distance between people that we often experienced growing up in America.
Neighbors stop and talk on the street. A friend comes to visit unexpectedly. It’s not uncommon for someone to make a quick visit or check in just because they haven’t seen each other for a few days. It is not considered intrusive. It’s part of caring for each other.
“We found a place where we could enjoy life and feel connected,” Trestle said.
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That sense of connection is especially noticeable during the summer. When school is out, life moves to the squares and streets. After dinner, families gather outside and children run from one end of town to the other and play games together. Local festivals fill the calendar, and August can often feel like a long series of local festivals.
It’s common to see toddlers, school-age children, and teenagers still in the square well into 11 p.m. or midnight, while their parents and grandparents sit nearby and talk with friends.
When we first arrived it felt completely foreign. It feels normal now. In the United States, people may think that children are unsupervised. Here, we take comfort in the fact that they are surrounded by a community that knows and cares about them.
Watching my daughter grow up
Our daughter started kindergarten as soon as she turned 2 and has spent almost her entire childhood immersed in the local culture. This fall, she plans to start elementary school with children she has known for many years.
In addition to English, Czech, and Italian, she also begins to absorb the local dialect, a linguistic tradition that has been passed down through generations in this region. In her own small way, she is becoming part of the effort to move that culture forward.
For the daughter of Trestle and Nimman, Italy and a small town in Abruzzo are home.
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For my husband and I, Italy will always be the country of our choice, and Italian is the foreign language in which we have to work. For our daughter, this is just home.
Live with less, get more
Life here isn’t perfect. We miss our family and friends in America. The Italian bureaucracy can also be frustrating, as things often move at a slower pace than we’re used to. Simple tasks often require more paperwork, appointments, and follow-up visits than expected. At one point, you even had to provide a copy of your health insurance card when setting up your home Internet service. I learned that patience is often part of the process.
Trestle “can’t imagine returning to the United States” anytime soon.
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However, we also obtained something that is difficult to quantify. We spend less time driving and consuming and more time walking, talking to neighbors, attending local events, and participating in daily life. It feels like everyday life is less focused on material accumulation and more focused on relationships.
Here in a small town in Abruzzo, we have found a place where we can enjoy life and feel connected to the people around us. This is the kind of life we want for ourselves and our daughter, and we hope that she continues to grow up with a deep sense of belonging.
Cassandra Tresl is a writer, content creator, and curious observer of daily life in the Italian countryside. She lives in the Abruzzo region of Italy with her husband Alex and their daughter, and through Rootless Italy, she shares stories about family, community, and building a life that’s a little different than what she expected.
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